I feel sick to my stomach

I'm a nervous wreck. I think that is the best way to describe my state of mind at this point. One more loss here could sink the ship. I'm forced to rely on Joe Saunders, Ervin Santana and Trevor Bell to stay afloat, after our ace couldn't get it done last night (not that it was his fault. I still think if Bobby Abreu, you know, actually tries on Vlad's "double" Weaver gives up only one run in the inning).

All I can do is think about this series; try and talk myself into a split being "okay" (even though it's probably not) and a line-up with the names "Callaspo," "Willits" and "Fransden," can strike fear into the Texas Rangers (even though it most certainly doesn't). I'm busy trying to convince myself that Bobby Abreu, Juan Rivera and Hideki Matsui can and will bounce back; that the 2008 version of Joe Saunders will show up any day now; that Scott Kazmir really is suffering from shoulder fatigue and that we're not watching his once promising career come to an end; that the Angel bullpen will come into their own; that Jeff Mathis will show the promise and emulate his awesome 2009 post season; that Howie Kendrick will show his batting champion potential; that Mike Scioscia will wise up and swap Fernando Rodney with Brian Fuentes; that Mike Napoli will hit 35 home runs; that Torii Hunter is Willie Mays, Superman, and the Seven Million Dollar Man all wrapped into one; and that Texas will wilt in August like they always do. And yes, I realize I sound crazy.
The reality: Matsui and Abreu are both a year older, and their skill levels are beginning to erode. Rivera, while solid, has gone from underrated to overrated while playing the worst defensive left field in baseball. Joe Saunders will never revisit 2008 and is nothing more than a middle of a road pitcher. Kazmir's best days are most likely behind him, and Mathis is just a tick above Bobby Wilson at catcher, which is like saying sleeping with Paris Hilton is a better choice than sleeping with Lindsey Lohan because the chance to contract multiple STD's is slightly less. Kendrick is having a solid (albeit slightly above league average) season, no doubt, but leaves much to be desired after being highly touted in the minors. Scioscia seems pretty confident (or rather is afraid to admit he is wrong) with Fuentes as his closer and Rodney as his set-up man (despite how the numbers show that Rodney is much more effective in the closer role than in any other form of relief). Napoli could hit 35 home runs, but is too prone to slumps to make me realistically think he will. As good as Hunter has been, he isn't Kendry Morales, let alone Willie Mays. And Texas, with the addition of Cliff Lee, don't look like they'll fade anytime soon.

Translation: it doesn't look like the Angels year.

Despite all this, I'm doing my best to stay optimistic. I feel I owe it to the Angels.

In many ways, being a fan is like being in a relationship. Sure, there are peaks and valleys. There are times they'll piss you off (the Callaspo trade, letting Vlad go, any time Fuentes takes the mound); make you cry (any playoff series loss) and even threaten to break-up altogether (2008 postseason; watching the Angels send out line-ups that include Paul McInulty, Corey Aldridge, Reggie Willits, and Rob Quinlan; and again, Fuentes). But then there are those little surprises. Those times that they make you smile (Torii Hunter), those times they surprise you with gifts (three straight AL West Championships and five of the last six) and those times you remember why this is right, and why you fell in love in the first place (2002 World Series). Like Tammy Wynette sang, you gotta stand by your man (or in this case, men).

So even if the Angels (gulp) are swept in Arlington this weekend, I'll stand by my Angels. I feel like I owe them that. In a lot of ways, us Angel fans are spoiled. For the first 42 years of our existence, October baseball was like a fairy-tale. Something we only read about. Sure we made visits, but they were few and far between and always ended in heartbreak.
The last ten years, six postseason trips. We're spoiled. I think we forget that sometimes. Do I agree with every move the Angels front office has made? No. Do I think Tony Reagans should be fired? Yes. But I guess what I'm trying to say is that it ain't over until it's over, and I'm on board until the ship sinks.