Swing away, Merrill. Swing away.

"Signs" is an interesting movie. It's a movie that when I see it on HBO or Starz or whatever, I stop and watch it. There are very few movies that have that effect on me. In all actuality, "Signs" has a very strange effect on me.

Very few things freak me out. Aliens do not. The end of the world does not. Yet "Signs" freaks me out. And although I think has more to do with the "faith" aspect, which does indeed freak the hell out of me, the scene where you first see the alien makes me jump each and every time. I know it's coming. I know it. Yet I still freak out.

Mel Gibson, an actor I cannot stand, does a great job in the film. Joaquin Phoenix does also. The two kids are good. But the story is what captivates me. That conflict of faith. Here we have Gibson's character, a man of the Church, turning his back on God after his wife is killed. It's a fair assesment. How can one believe in a "God" after something so tragic and horrible happens? And like I said earlier, it's that part of the film that freaks me out.

I've always had an "interesting" relationship with God and faith and whatnot. I want to believe. I really, really want to. And I'm not saying that I don't. I'm sure there's something up there. But man, I just can't bring myself to fully believe. And that gets me sometimes. I don't know if I believe in heaven and hell and all that, but I try and live as if I do. Sometimes I wonder why. I think like this at times for a lot of things I can't quite bring myself to explain/believe in. Love? What's the point. Like, I've been in love, and it's a great feeling. But there's always the "why?" reasoning. Why this thing called love? I mean, its not like love is exclusive for sex. Sometimes I think love is just for the lonely. Yet other times I think love is the greatest thing in the world. Being in love, it's such an amazing feeling. I feel like I can achieve anything when I'm in love. I fight with this constantly.

But back to faith. Whether or not there is a God and heaven and hell, shouldn't we still treat eachother with respect and care and live with humanity? We should, but would we? Probably not? Without rules and guidelines, it would be full blown anarchy. So maybe religion is necessary. But at the same time, religion is the cause of a lot of war, conflict and prejudice. So it's a double-edged sword.

I don't know if I believe in a "God" or faith, but there has to be something, right?

This is all what goes through my head when I watch "Signs." Good night.